There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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