I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
