i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
