wakey wakey hands off snakey
...so i touched it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
