Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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