Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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