what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I wish i was in the wii world.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
