Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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