duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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