Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
