My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
you had me at cake vodka
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
