the condom got lost in my hair
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
