Already got asked if we're dating
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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