I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
