In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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