So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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