It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
