Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
