Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
