I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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