Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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