Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
