Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
