Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
