I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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