you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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