I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
