Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
