sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
