His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
