I'm going to rape someone's good day.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
