yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
