I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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