I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
