u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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