I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
