It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
