good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
