He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
