I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the day after is always just damage control
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
