its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
