OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
ugly people sure do ruin things
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
