drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
