Christians are straight up FREAKS
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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