I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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