is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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