Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
