I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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