Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
