ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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