Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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