I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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