so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
