roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
