He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
