I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
