i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
