If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
